(Original Post - May 2011)
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
I’m constantly reminded that my children live in a world much different than the one I grew up in. There has never been a time in recorded history that our world has undergone such dramatic changes.
A few poignant examples:
- The top 10 in-demand jobs of 2010 did not even exist in 2004.
- One-eighth of couples who married in the United States last year met on the Internet.
And my personal favorite – It is estimated that 4 exabytes of unique information will be generated this year, which is more than the previous 5,000 years.
That being said, there are many things - toys, games, books, television shows and ideas - that have stood the test of time, and for good reason. Norah watches Sesame Street regularly, and I noticed recently that they often re-use old segments from my viewing days in the early 1980s. (Near… Far... Classic Grover.) We also read a lot of books from my old library; Norah gets quite the kick out of seeing the sloppy way I wrote my name on the inside cover of my books 25 years ago. So do I. I think a little bit of nostalgia is good for the soul.
But things have changed, ideas have changed, and I think that in many cases, change is good.
Norah and I are playing on the floor with her Disney animals; namely The Aristocats. She takes the role of Marie, Madame and Duchess, and I’m Toulouse, Berlioz and Thomas O’Malley (Note: each character has a distinctive voice, and children are amazingly adept at both distinguishing the differences and pointing out your deficiencies in imitating these voices). However, Norah gave me a break on this particular day because she had her hands full keeping her own voices straight.
We’re playing with these cats right next to an elaborate set of tracks from a Thomas the Train set, which is also next to a series of towers Norah’s made out of foam blocks. She’s talking amongst the cats, and then she draws herself into the conversation.
Norah, as Marie: “Hi Norah.” Voice slightly high-pitched and feline.
Norah, as herself: ‘Oh, hi Marie”
Norah, as Marie, looking around the room: “Hey Norah, why are you so good at building tracks and streets and cities?”
Norah, as herself: “Oh, that’s cause I’m a girl. Girls are great at that kind of stuff.”
When she said this, I instantly went to the other room (after giving her a big kiss on the forehead), found my notebook, and wrote down the dialogue, word for word. I watched her closely, equal parts admiration and wonder. Watching her, I realized that she will grow up truly believing…truly knowing that girls can do anything they want, even the jobs that the kids of my day (myself included) would have considered the ‘male’ jobs.
Myself and my wife try to make sure that we don’t inadvertently push the stereotypes onto our children. When we updated Norah’s room a couple of years ago, we painted it blue. (NOTE: since then, that room has become James’ room, and Norah’s room is now bright pink – but it was her choice, not ours). When it’s time to play, the kids aren't concerned about which toys would be considered the 'traditional' male and female toys. Norah could be practicing her tee-ball or playing with a Fisher Price tool kit while James plays with (undresses) the Barbies and the Disney Princesses.
I know of parents who would never let their son touch a Barbie. I know of parents who absolutely refused to let their son wear pink on a national Anti-Bullying Pink Shirt Day at our school, even though hundreds of our students and all our teachers proudly wore our pink shirts.
Many adults, consciously or subconsciously, make the decision that their child should fit into the gender roles that are part of an increasingly outdated paradigm. This unfortunately has a more detrimental effect on females than males in most cases. But luckily, kids sometimes show us that in the traditional game of life, some rules are made to be broken.
At the tender age of three, my daughter understands that gender should in no way impact the career you seek, the activities you enjoy, or the passions you hold dear. However, there is no way to guarantee that the glass ceiling will have been shattered by the time she’s old enough to realize what it is.
…That’s why I’m also teaching her how to throw a baseball. Hard.
"Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'."
-Bob Dylan
Just a thought – Next time you’re talking with a kid and have an opportunity to talk about their ambitions and ‘dream jobs’, bring up some ‘non-traditional’ options. See what they think. See what you think.
“How good does a female athlete have to be before we just call her an athlete?”
-Author Unknown
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