(Original Post - September 2019)
“Every hit is expected.
Every miss is a crisis.
My father says that if I hit 2,500 balls each day, I’ll hit 17,500 balls each week, and at the end of the year I’ll have hit nearly one million balls. He believes in math. Numbers, he says, don’t lie. A child who hits one million balls each year will be unbeatable.
Hit earlier, my father yells. Damn it, Andre, hit earlier! Crowd the ball. Crowd the ball.
Now he’s crowding me. He’s yelling directly into my ear. It’s not enough to hit everything the dragon fires at me; my father wants me to hit it faster and harder than the dragon. He wants me to beat the dragon. The thought makes me panic. I tell myself: You can’t beat the dragon. How can you beat something that never stops. Come to think of it, the dragon is a lot like my father. Except my father is worse. At least the dragon stands before me, where I can see it.
My father stands behind me.
I rarely see him; only hear him, day and night, yelling in my ear…”
From 'Open- An Autobiography', by Andre Agassi
We all stand behind our children, and the children of others. It does, after all, take a village to raise a child, especially in today’s fast-paced, over-scheduled society. This passage from Agassi’s book has always stuck with me, and I think of it often when I’m watching my kids interact with the coaches of their various athletic endeavors. Listing all the people who have helped coach and guide my kids in just this past year alone is a daunting task. But we’ve been lucky; blessed, in fact to have so many dedicated, passionate and committed individuals play such an important role in our lives, both athletically and personally.
A lifetime ago, when I was a student at Memorial University, we had a professor by the name of Ki Su Kim. He taught us Philosophy of Education, and in the very first lecture, he spoke at length about the idea of In Loco Parentis. He told us that as teachers, we would act in the place of parents when we accepted these students into our classrooms. This idea returned to me just recently when I dropped Norah off at a skating session. As I prepared to leave (to do another drop off), Norah stepped on the ice and moments later, her coach - in perfect in loco parentis form - put her arm around Norah’s shoulder and they skated off, heads together, chatting about skating. Or cats. Or cupcake recipes…
___________
“If they care about your life outside the sport and not just what you do in the sport, they are a good coach.” – Norah Lynch
___________
It’s National Coaching Week and I’ve been chatting with my kids about coaches. They were talking about their early athletic ‘careers’. Norah asked James who his first hockey coach was. He surprised me by smiling and pointing at me. In truth, I was more a helper on the ice than an actual coach when James began to play hockey. However, I was with him every step of the way in those very early days, and my style undoubtedly did not align with that of Emmanuel Agassi. I stood behind James, gave him the necessary encouraging words, and caught him (occasionally) by the armpits when he slipped.
These days, there are many fantastic individuals who help coach James and Norah. (As an aside, I did make the decision to get ‘back in the game’ this past spring, and subsequently broke my 40 year old collarbone in my very first practice as assistant soccer coach.) Despite the long, painful recovery, watching their coaches push them to be their best each week made the discomfort much more bearable.
The way in which coaches push kids varies greatly, from the extremely gentle to the extremely firm. Most coaches work hard to strike a balance and find a way of guiding kids that brings out the best in each of them. In his book ‘Stories of the Game’, Wayne Gretzky had the following to say:
“The best coaches all have different styles, but they all let players play to their strengths by adapting the game to those strengths. That gives players confidence. As the confidence builds, the players become harder to beat. A good coach also knows how to handle the ups and downs. When you win, players can get overly confident and that can be a problem too. So a coach has to be able to manage both overconfidence and underconfidence.”
I really appreciate when a coach is firm and direct with my kids. I’m fortunate to say that our coaches have always pushed Norah and James, challenged them, and expect them to give their best. As well, they point out when more is required. I love seeing a coach shake her head No, and then call Norah over to point out where she messed up her axel or double salchow. Likewise, I love seeing someone call James out on not turning on the inside edge when he’s stickhandling around a pylon in a drill. The reason I love these instances is that, every single time, the coaches do it with respect. The kids did something improperly, or altogether wrong, and they are not made to feel bad. They don’t feel less, or inadequate. Despite occasionally feeling frustrated, they know this coach is working hard to make the jump or the stick-handling better. They feel encouraged, rather than defeated.
Undoubtedly, some people will argue that a very loud, in-your-face, hard-nosed approach can in fact work for some. Look how things turned out for Agassi, they might say. To this I’d direct them to another part of his book where he says the following:
“I’m playing in the 2006 U.S. Open. My last U.S. Open. In fact, my last tournament ever. I play tennis for a living, even though I hate tennis, hate it with a dark and secret passion, and always have…”
This quote serves as an apt reminder that it is indeed possible to create a champion, while at the same time, destroy a person.
One of Norah’s greatest memories of baseball was a game this summer. It was, perhaps, my favorite game as well as hers. Her team lost. Generally that doesn’t lead to a great memory, but what made it special was the fact that her team was losing in the final inning, something like 10-1, or 10-2, and they never gave up. The coaches kept the encouragement high and the smiles and high-fives plentiful, and in that last inning, they score a pile of runs and ended the game losing 10-8. You could see the coaches beaming and sharing the excitement with the girls, and they all left the dugout with huge smiles, very much celebratory. Norah was proud beyond words, and I thank the coaches for that smile.
____________
“Even when they tell you something and you’re not sure about it, they say ‘Trust me,’ and then you trust them and you end up doing it right.” - Norah Lynch
____________
One of James highlights was a ballgame this summer as well. Like Norah, his team lost. (I should note, both kids’ teams did actually win lots of games during the summer, and brought home medals, though I seem to be highlighting the losing moments a fair bit). James mentions this particular game quite often because he was called on to pitch in extra innings (in most cases, a parent’s nightmare). He managed to pitch his way out of an inning, but the team would end up taking home silver as opposed to gold. It’s a great memory for him because of what he felt when his coach put that ball in his glove. It wasn’t about the extra innings. It was about the extra inspiration. Funny how you can give a kid an opportunity like that, and their height increases by about 12 inches in a matter of moments.
____________
“They’re nice,” - James Lynch, who couldn’t really be bothered with deep thoughts or reflection...
____________
Like Gretzky said, great coaches know how to handle the ups and downs. James had one game that absolutely devastated him. Three at-bats, three strikeouts. Before the next game, I saw his coach call him aside to speak with him as they walked through the outfield during warm up. Throughout the conversation, James nodded. During the game, James was moved from his regular place in the batting rotation, and ended up having a great game. Was it the rotation switch, or the kind words of his coach that led James to hold his head higher that game? I’m pretty sure I know.
As a further example of the awesomeness of these dedicated humans, one of the games that sticks in my mind was a soccer game in Mount Pearl. The coach’s son, who plays on the team, had gone camping with a friend, and didn’t play that evening. However, rather than pass along the game to our assistant coach, he came to the game and did what he does best. Further to this, who should next to me in the stands but his wife. She too had come along to watch the game, despite her son not even being there. When questioned on this, her reply was simply, “I’m here to cheer on the team.”
And lastly, speaking of wives, I can’t even begin to count the number of hours that Tara spent in the gym with the basketball kids last year. It’s amazing how her face lights up when she runs into a kid at Sobeys and they wave and say, ‘Hey Coach!” It’s really about building skills while, at the same time, building relationships.
So, to all coaches, a genuine thank you from myself and my family. This stuff doesn’t… couldn’t happen without you. This week and every week, your time, commitment and support are truly appreciated.
“Talent sets the floor. Character sets the ceiling…” Bill Belichick, New England Patriots head coach and 6 time Superbowl Champion
תגובות